How to Spot a Frenemy Before It’s Too Late

Let’s be honest:
Some people don’t clap for you because deep down, they can’t stand the sound.

And while no one is obligated to help you or contribute to your life financially, how can someone claim to love you while watching you struggle emotionally, mentally, or otherwise without so much as lifting a finger?

That’s not love. That’s control. That’s ego. That’s a frenemy and they are far more dangerous than we like to admit.

I had a relative, someone close. Someone I trusted. Someone I extended grace to over and over again, because I loved her. And for a long time, I didn’t see it clearly. But the truth was always there:
She was backstabbing me.
She was setting me up to be hurt or embarrassed.
She was competing with me silently, viciously, and without mercy.

I brushed it off at first. Made excuses. Told myself it wasn’t that deep. But it was. And it kept happening. The same patterns. The same disrespect. The same sick feeling in my stomach after each encounter.

Had I developed discernment sooner, I would’ve realized this person wasn’t just unkind, she was a threat.
Not in the physical sense, but to my peace. My joy. My confidence.

When I finally had enough, I distanced myself. And yes, I stayed angry for a while. Because I would’ve never done to her what she did to me.
But then it hit me. It was never about me.
She was unhappy. She was insecure. She saw me as her competition. And her actions reflected a war she was fighting within herself.

It’s sad to say, but some people only love you when you are beneath them. Frenemies feel safest when you’re struggling. That way, they can feel superior. Their ego gets fed. Their insecurity gets soothed.
But God help you if you start shining. They’ll either shrink away or start attacking.

These aren’t always strangers or obvious enemies. Sometimes they sit right next to you at brunch, heart your posts, and even say “I’m proud of you.”

But behind the scenes, they’re withholding support, talking behind your back, or hoping you don’t make it too far.

Let’s not sugarcoat it: this energy can be fatal.

Look at Kenneka Jenkins. Look at Shanquella Robinson.
Both walked into spaces with “friends” and never made it out.
The betrayal didn’t come from a stranger, it came from people they trusted. People who smiled in photos. That’s how serious this is.

Even in less extreme cases, like B. Simone, who has been called out for allegedly showing jealous, self-centered energy in friendships, it’s still dangerous. Because emotional sabotage and passive competition chip away at a person’s soul.

Signs You’re Dealing with a Frenemy:

• They laugh when you’re hurt, then say “you’re sensitive”

• They act annoyed when you’re doing well

• They mimic you, but never give credit

• They love your struggle but disappear during your breakthrough

• They downplay your goals, ideas, or success

• They’re emotionally unavailable unless they need something

• They let you suffer, even when they could help easily

Staying Will Cost You More Than Leaving Ever Will

The longer you keep a frenemy around, the more you lose:

• Your self-trust

• Your emotional clarity

• Your space to thrive

Worse, you might start believing you deserve that treatment.

So here’s your reminder:
When people show you who they are, stop asking them to change the mask.

What To Do:

• Remove the access

• Block the energy

• Forgive the past — for your sake, not theirs

  Forgiveness isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about making peace with the lesson and protecting your future.

You are not hard to love.
You were just in the wrong room.
Let it go, and walk away with your dignity and your discernment intact.

— Bri 💋